I thought i was on my way to something good.. finally making a mark in my life’s adventure of the route called education…
It all seemed so easy 1 year back… but somehow it is getting harder.. is this the whole deal of the last hurdle? I can’t stand it that I am getting lost.. I seem to be facing more roadblocks then ever. The biggest is that I am loosing the zeal coz it’s getting harder to break through the barrier. There is so many things to do with just so little time. And yet all I want to do is sleep? My mind is starting to konk out on me. I need a motivation. And I need it soon.
All i see and dream of is figures!!
It’s been sometime since my last blog and it’s almost the end of the year. So this blog is going to be from the bottom of my heart….
As the year draws to an end, i look back and thank the stars for its blessing on me this year. The many friends, family members and events that marked special moments. Edged in my memory for a long time to come. The langkawi blast of a holiday. The special surprise party for dad. The special diwali where we went visiting to as many homes as possible. The many good grades and friends i made through school. The job that i got after so long. All these hold a special place in my heart. Thinking back, these were nice..
Of course the not so nice, the arguments, the mistakes, the late nights, the tears, the fight for my right and the loss of special ones. At this point, the one person i lost is Devi auntie. An amazing lady who loved my family like her own. May her soul rest in peace and i miss you.
As we all say, remember the good and forget the bad. As the new year approaches, I think it’s time i made a couple of resolutions (and this time around i think i need to keep them).
1. To study at least for 5 hours everyday.
2. To ensure that my grades stay at a distinction level and above.
3. To exercise every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for at least 2 hours.
4. To lose at least 1Kg every month.
5. To ensure that i will cleanse, tone and moisturize my skin without failing to go for my facials.
6. To get my thesis published.
7. To save enough money to get myself an I phone.
8. To ignore a certain person in my extended family.
9. To save for and make at least 2 trips to other countries excluding Malaysia.
10. To apply for PhD courses and attend at least 5 interviews for a scholarship.
I know these are heavy and some are too simplistic but i need to do these things. I need to and will have to turn my life around for the better. Happy new year to me. :)
When i say peace.. i don’t mean world peace (although i wish that eventually happens) but infact i mean peace of mind. After 2 tediously long weeks of training, school, tuition and celebrations, i finally get some time to myself. Only to find out the i have visitors arriving tonight.. I love these people but what a timing. The tons of work and the whole ordeal of attempting to please someone… i feel a fever coming on…. My simple pleasure will have to wait…
I was studying earlier on and heard the song by TLC titled unpretty… Perfectly timed… practically an ancient song but one that holds true to many of us.
Many a times I have been in that situation, the one that I feel damn unpretty. Is it coz of the excess weight I have put on over the years, the way my skin has changed, the way I dress or the god damn waxing I have to go through (men have it easy when it comes to hair). I have been put in that awkward situation where an ex schoolmate meets me and some other friends on the streets and goes “Gosh! you 2 look like Barbie dolls!” to the other 2 and turns to me and says “you look the same, except that your hair has grown.” Ouch. Definitely.
At times I feel that I don’t fit into this stereotypical world. One where only the slim and sexy ones are given chances. You may not have brains but as long as you look good as arm candy, you’re given a shot. Maybe I am being bitter but I have seen it first hand. Many times. Over and over again. My ex bosses and even companies that I have attended interviews at, preferences, simple; the good looking one gets the job. After all, they are the face of the organization.
Seriously. It is at times like this that I feel that I have been hurt. Hurt in the way only people in my shoes will know. So what if you are academically inclined? So what if you know you are the best at what you do? Without that one chance, how do you prove it to yourself that you are the best? Crappy. I know. Tell me about it. People whom I know who are absolutely zero, in no way comparable to me are more successful. Not being envious, but surprised. What is it that they had that they got their break so fast?
Then I tell myself. I am who I am. If the world finds me unpretty, so be it. I know I am not hot nor slim nor sexy on the exterior. Beauty comes from within, make up and a slim body is for those who need that extra umph to feel good (although some are naturally gifted). I don’t need to make myself feel good by telling my friend “did you see that? that guy was totally checking me out. Gawd, wherever I go I get that!"
A mantra. I am who I am. I like me for me. I am successful for being me. And there is no way in my day have you made me feel unpretty nor will you ever.
It’s good to be me. There is no other like me. In fact, there is no other like you too.
Courtesy of youtube
It’s getting closer to 2.00 am. In less than 8 hours I’ve to sit my International Finance paper. How? Freaked out! That’s how. I have finished the entire syllabus. Yes… i did revise early. But truth be told. I don’t remember anything at all. I hate this theoretical papers. There is no way for me to work my answers out except to memorize. And dun we all know I’m fantastic at that.. Arghhhhh…
To treat myself though ( i know i know.. exam not over and i want to treat myself) i am downloading Shaid Kapoor movies… haiz… if not for dil bole hadippa i wun be in this situation… the detrimental effects of good looks…. now really…. how the hell am i gonna wake up for my exam. I seem all cool about it. All relaxed, all prepared, as always. But again as always, am shaking inside. Shit…. I need to score……
Yum yum… at least something to look forward to….
1: Go bum around in Tekka.
2: Look at the new stuff that has arrived for Diwali.
3: Stuff my face with something yummy and a really good scorching hot cup of coffee.
4: Window shop at Mustaffa.
Reality
1: Ended up walking all around Campbell lane checking out the new designs for deco they had this year. Ensured that I didn’t jaywalk. Being fined once for littering was good enough.
2: Ended up buying Meera Hair wash powder (4 bottles of it!) and some other stuff form Jothi.
3: Ate some crap food at ABM restaurant beside Mustaffa. I ordered a chicken Dosai that was disgusting and the Masala Tea sucked big time. Hema ordered Aloo prata and Badham milk and she ended up getting something that looked like a naan without the aloo in it and her badham milk was so thick that she had to dilute it. Gaya ordered samosa and Nescafe when in fact she wanted vadai. All in all. Disappointing place to eat. Will never eat there again. BTW- it cost me $18.60 for crappy food.
4: I should forget about window shopping at Mustaffa. In fact, I bought so much food stuff at Mustaffa. Again. 2 VCDs and a whole bunch of things for tea time. Argh. And it took forever for my Diner’s to go through and eventually had to pay by NETS, after 2 attempts. And the cashier insisted that I pay by card even though Gaya asked him to put it all in one bill and she’ll pay by cash. They all assume that it’s their company and country. Bloody F********s. (Not the 4-letter word btw).
Never did I imagine that I would succumb to the temptation and be stripped of the one thing that I found too lazy to do besides exercise. Blog. The whole process of setting up a blog, thinking of what to write and eventually getting involved in doing the deed was just too much work for me. Eventually, getting down and doing it involved burning Hema’s time, plenty of Dil Bole Hadippa songs (on repeat) and me coming across amazing Photoshop brushes. Eventually, I crumbled. I gave in. You can’t blame me. I’m still loving life and I need the avenue to brag about it. The image below is a direct photoshop brush imprint. Looks like a genuine image and I am excited that I finally have somewhere to post it on….
BTW- Hema is amazing. And I mean it. I thought I was pretty well versed with IT and website creating yada yada blah blah. But when it came to creating this blog, I looked like a fool. Damn big fool. I wonder what I will do when she’s in Australia and i need to change my blog skin… Horrors . . . .
So before I start moving on with new posts, “Nailed-in” is my determination; it means wrapped up, finished, completed, ‘done-ded’. It helps me stay focused on my main HDs and on strictly on that path.
